RUN AWAY

Let’s run away. Let’s runaway to anywhere in the world but away from life and reality. Let’s escape from all of this and go to our own world, one that you and I have created. Let’s sit on mountains and stare at the night sky. The night sky that’s filled with stars, reminding us of how small we really are, making us question life, inspiring us and creating deep conversations between us. Let’s dive into deep blue waters and soak in all the beauty and energy around us. Let’s stop time, you and I together. Let’s escape into our own world that’s filled with love and nothing else. Let’s explore each other and get lost in each other. Let’s run away because reality and life suck anyway. Come with me?

HER

Somehow, no matter how hard I try, my mind goes back to comparing me to her. You probably aren’t comparing the two of us but I am. When I am with you, I think about how her hands would’ve fit into yours, how she would’ve smelt when you lay next to her. I think about how she would’ve looked when you woke up next to her in the morning or how she would’ve felt when you cuddled and slept with her all night. I know it’s stupid for me to do this, but my mind won’t stop. When I am with you, I wonder how she must have done everything better than I do, how she would’ve looked walking around the room with you. I probably won’t ever be like her, at least not in bed. I know I need to stop thinking this, but for now, it’s stuck in my head.

WHY US?

I could hear her scream through the TV and it made me cringe. She was just acting, doing her job but her character is one that we’ve all experienced. I don’t think there is any girl out there that has been spared from lurking eyes, from being looked at like a piece of meat and from being touched by people without consent. Where did we as a species go so wrong that it’s now impossible for half the population to feel safe among their own friends and families in their own homes? What did I as a little girl do wrong to deserve this? This consequence is a result of what action of mine?
I hate that a screech from the TV can make me feel all of this and more. I hate that I don’t have the freedom to do what I want because people out there are cruel. I hate that I have to face the consequences of someone else’s action.
There is no fault of mine in this but yet everyday I fight, I struggle and it’s a battle for me. Yet everyday, I face the brunt and I challenge everyone and everything that comes my way. Why? Cause the world is a fucked up place and sadly I am a part of it.
I only hope that nobody has to deal with this, ever. It changes you.

TEARS

Words aren’t enough to let someone know how you feel about them yet tears somehow are convincing. It’s not that I don’t believe you when you tell me you love me, but it’s when I see you cry that I can actually feel the way you feel. Why are tears more convincing than words? Why do I need to breakdown to let someone know that something matters to me, why do you need to breakdown for me to understand what is going on in your heart? Tears speak louder than words.

I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO…

I am looking forward to waking up beside you. I am looking forward to all the little adventures we are going to experience. I am looking forward to the mornings I can kiss you awake and bring you breakfast to the bed. I am also looking forward to the mornings I am allowed to give you hope and strength for your working day. I am looking forward to kiss you good-bye when you are leaving the house and welcome you back with dinner at the end of the day. I am looking forward to the moments when you are telling me how great your day was. When you are talking passionately about how much you love your work and I am going to join your joy. Somehow, I am also looking forward to the day when you are telling me how difficult and exhausting your day was. Because then I am going to try giving you some comfort and love in a hug. I am also going to massage you until you feel refreshed again. I am looking forward to the all the days we are going to have dinner together. I am looking forward to spending evenings cuddling with you under a blanket and kissing every fiber of you. I am looking forward to the nights I am allowed to kiss you good night and tell you how much I love you.

INTIMACY

Intimacy is not letting someone touch you. It is letting someone hold you when you are feeling low. Intimacy is not about letting someone undress you. It is about letting them undress the layers of your soul. Intimacy is not about sex. It is about letting someone in and sharing the thoughts and fears that keep you up at 3 am. Intimacy is not giving someone attention for a few minutes of pleasure. It is the person always being in the back of your mind no matter how distracted you are. The little things that we do are intimate. The things that bring the two souls together and not just the two bodies. That is intimacy.

THE EX I LOST

He made me feel like I was the most important person in his life in everything he did. From replying to me instantly, to always picking up my calls. He was there. He was perfect. I got lost in my daily mundane activities that I forgot about him. I stopped treating him the way he deserved to be treated. It was always about me and never about him or his feelings. He never complained but I knew. He knew exactly what I needed and when I needed it. From making sure I didn’t cry myself to sleep at night, to making me reason it out with my mom, to making sure I got home safely and to putting me back to sleep at night when I couldn’t get myself to sleep. He knew me all too well and knew his way around me. He chased, oh boy did he chase. He never stopped loving me the way he did from the first day. I gave up on myself, on him and us. He’s everything every girl wants and more. He is perfect. He made it easy. He understood. He loved me the way nobody ever has.